Meet My Friend Ralph

Today, Harrison and I headed out to look at furniture for sale in a model home. On our way I knew we were going to pass our friends' house, and since I knew she is stuck in the house with 4 kids, I thought afterward we would drop off a big diet coke from Sonic for her, since that's what a good home teacher should do. So after a good breakfast of milk and yogurt, we were on our way. After the 25 minute drive, we turned onto the street, and Harrison looked at me, opened his sweet little mouth, and unloaded.

There was this one time, when Lydianne and I watched America's Funniest Home Videos, and we laughed and laughed at this compilation of babies projectile vomiting. It was amazing. To think that these tiny little stomachs and diaphragms could hold and shoot that amount of liquid was simply unbelievable. Let me just say, when it is happening in the front seat of your truck and you're 30 minutes from home, it brings with it a different sort of entertainment value.

Being the good dad that I am, I brought the diaper bag with me. I quickly grabbed it and discovered that there was nothing- nada- to clean it up with. No cloth diapers, no real diapers. There was an extra bib, but the plastic kind that is mad specifically not to absorb things. An extra pair of baby socks and 2 wipes- that was it. Harrison just laughed and then smiled at me. Luckily, it seemed like it all went onto my seats and church notebook, so he looked pretty clean. We could still make it into the model home to look at the furniture, I mean, we drove all this way! Then I thought, I should probably at least check him to be sure that he's not dirty. So I walked to the other side of the truck and picked him up out of his car seat....and that's when I saw the pool of puke he was sitting in. Nice. I shook the chunks off his bib and onto the street, then used the 2 wipes to clean his face and shoved them into the puddle in the seat. Then we headed home. Sorry Laura, no Diet Coke.

We get home and I bring my soaked and filthy child into the kitchen, and I stood him up on the table and decided I should undress him right there. I look down at his shoes and I am reminded of this story, and I think to myself, "At least he didn't 'frow up' in his shoes." Oh the irony. BAM! Twice. Who knew that the stomach could so quickly separate the water from the other stuff in milk/yogurt? This kid vomited like a champ. And since I wasn't sure if he was done, I didn't want to hug him, so I just stood there holding him up, letting him rip, and taking pictures with my phone, trying to get an action shot.That's over 3 feet. I'm sure some of you have seen farther, but this was our first time. I am just measuring to the last little strawberry chunk on the floor.

Now I've spent years working with kids, at Chuck E Cheese, then Discovery Zone, Summer Camps, as a teacher, so cleaning up puke is no big deal. But could they make it any more difficult to get the cover off of a car seat? Is this not something they think parents need to do often? This is twice that we've had to do it (on 2 different car seats) and both times I've ended up throwing it and covered in sweat. I mean really, if I have to use a screwdriver and tear fabric, then that's a little ridiculous. Who thinks this stuff up?